Genie In A Box


Of all the people in my world, Nuvie, my GPS is probably the one I spend the most time with. This is sad for a lot of reasons, but mostly because we have an unhealthy passive-agressive relationship. Sometimes I think she just likes to mess with me. Other times I’m pretty sure she is trying to kill me.

First, she gets attitude. The more she has to say, “Recalculating”, the more snarky she gets about it. I hear “recalculating” a lot when I miss a turn or go the wrong way because I stop paying attention to her. She isn’t bad under those circumstances if I correct the mistake quickly. Heaven help me if I intentionally ignore her. The attitude in every “Recalculating” ratchets up the more she has to say and I start thinking about throwing her out the window.

She gets revenge for me ignoring her by telling me to turn in places I can’t possibly go without a 4×4 or orders me to do a four lane slide in a quarter of a mile in rush hour traffic. When I can’t make the turn or traffic won’t allow me to slide, she pulls her “Recalculating” attitude. She does this on purpose, the power tripping little b****.

What sucks is I have to put up with it. She is the only one in the car that knows how to get home.

If she’s really on a roll though, she will tell me the house I’m looking for is in one place when it’s actually in another. Sometimes, I’m a block away. Other times, I have already driven past it when she tells me we have arrived. It gives her plenty of opportunities to use her snarky, “Recalculating,” voice while I wonder how far I can throw her.

I don’t know what the law is on driving backward, I need to look it up. I do it all the time. I suspect driving more than a block in reverse is frowned upon by those nice people with blinky lights and ticket books, but I’ve done it because of her.

I’ve seen more than one person watching from their porch while I sit in my car and yell at Nuvie. I know I look like a crazy lady. The neighbors get really interested when I peer at house numbers, throw up my hands, and drive in reverse for a block and a half. Some will even step out into the road to keep me in sight longer. What can I say? I’m cheap entertainment.

My techie friends would argue that Nuvie is a machine and could not be giving me attitude. They’ve never had to sit in the car with her for long periods. I know her better than they do. The attitude it there.

Think about it. She’s a genie living in her little black box with no other contact. Sometimes I ignore her for days, then come along poking at her, dropping her, and yes, ignoring her directions. I’d probably get a bit of an attitude, too.

Our relationship is flawed, but mutually beneficial. I need her to do my job. She needs me to plug her snarky little black box into the power source. It’s not healthy, but what relationships are? So, we deal with each other.

Do you have a passive-aggressive relationship with your GPS or other technological aide? Let me know in the comments below.